The Future

In this update, Nick attempts to predict based on realistic evidence and basic entry level HooDoo what the future holds. Hilarity ensues.

My Predictions for the future:

Prediction Number 1: The new blu-ray.

Congratulations Sony, you won the format war. HD-DVD is dead, long live the new highness. Or, to put it more accurately, the new Mini-Disc. Remember them? Touted as this awesome new technology that could bury the old system which had been universally adopted, in that case CDs, it was pretty hot for about six months. Then MP3s came along and pooed in their sandbox. Good job Sony, another lame duck. Within a year or so, High definition on demand downloads will effectively neuter the market to new disc based technology. Why bother? Won't people still love to have the boxes sitting on their shelves for everyone to admire? Yeah, it's so convenient to have hundreds of DVDs kicking around. Yeah i love having to get off my ass to change the disc, and the inevitable "Oh, i saw that last week, put something else on!" that accompanies sitting down after swapping the discs. Yeah, i love having to wade through my DVD collection, it brings me nothing but joy to alphabetise them by hand so i can find what i want to watch.

Factor this into the equation. The PVR device has already revolutionised the way people watch television. You aren't chained to your TV schedule anymore, you can just set the little whizzy box to record it all for you. Without you touching it. And it alphabetises it for you. Enough said. Already, many cable suppliers are offering on demand movies, and pretty soon the world of regular programming and even things like video games is going to catch up. Ever heard of Direct to Drive or Steam? It's a system that allows you to purchase PC games online, and download the entire game lock stock to the hard drive of your computer. Yeah, imagine being able to do that with the first three series of 24. Or Lost. Or Porn Valley. How many people waded through the crowds at the mall at the weekends to try and obtain that ever elusive copy of Wii Fit?

Discs are dead, baby.

Prediction Number 2: The postal service will die.

I don't know about you, but i hate the post office. I can't think of a single redeeming feature to the postal service, even the guy behind the counter looks like he makes the stamp glue by boiling up puppies. They are slow, inefficient, expensive, and generally terrible. In 2012, Amazon.com will make the unprecedented move of buying all postal services worldwide. To make any kind of purchase, you will have to go to Amazon's dedicated website for your area, and purchase your groceries, bicycles and bizarre fetish magazines online, where they will ship it to your house. It will still be horribly inefficient, expensive and generally terrible, but like 1984 they will erase any and all who dissent, and soon no-one will be left who remembers the old ways.

Where did i get this information from? Your Mother.

Prediction Number 3: The Fall Of The House Of Apple.

Apple are a bit love it/hate it. Their computers are too highly priced to be a genuine solution for people who hate windows, and in most cases are more fashion statement than actual computer. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed they have complete dominance over the world of Digital music.

Apple manages to sidestep most legislation aimed at preventing monopolies by the fact that their core business (computers) accounts for only a tiny percentage of the market compared to Microsoft's unstoppable juggernaut. No-one seems to care that the figures are reversed when you look at the Digital Media market. Own a Zune? Didn't think so. I have an Ipod Touch, and i treat it better and love it more than i would my first born child. Apple owns pretty much the entire MP3 market, and pretty soon people will cotton on. Monopoly or not (Steve Jobs totally looks like the little metal dog) their global dominance will recede someday, probably at the same rate as my hair line.

Prediction Number 4: Social Media will go too far.

I twitter regularly. I blog, I Facebook, I used to Myspace until I Facebooked and I generally eat up any and all social media trend and go back for seconds. Just flicking over my twitter feeds it becomes plain to see that some people twitter just too much. No, i don't need to know what you're doing every minute of every day. I don't really care what you thought about the weather or what Dave said at the bus stop. But people still feel the need to keep people informed of what they're doing 24/7 regardless.

And that is when social media will go too far.

Myspace and Facebook will be overshadowed by a new omnipotent newcomer, who for the sake of argument and making at least one joke every 500 words i will call MyFace. Poke MyFace. See, easy humour. Anyway, having a MyFace account will require you to link up not only your computer, but your bank details, in car navigational aid (unless that's still your wife), phone, pacemaker and family pet so that at all times people can see exactly what your doing, with an accuracy of up to three feet. People will know just what Dave said at the bus stop, because MyFace will tell them. They will already know that the bus driver is running five minutes late because he just ordered his dinner from Amazon.com, they will know that Dave has unconscious desires for his neighbours dog, and they will know exactly what you plan to do later.

Some people will love it. Some people will get divorces because of it. And some people will set things on fire and have a riot. Probably just me.

Prediction Number 5: Nick will be a millionaire.

Hey, whoever said this had to be realistic?

The Future?
I give it 4 Princes out of 10

and that's only because i want a jetpack and a robot wife.